Why do I put up with it?

Casey is up first today, and predictably, her first priority is ensuring that I am fed. She’s very excited, she is saying something about Chicken in gravy.  Chicken, aahhh. Nothing is better than chicken, unless it’s KFC. Nothing is better than KFC. Oh goodness, I’m drooling on Dad’s keyboard, He won’t like that.

Right, as Mom would say… FOCUS. I told Casey (she’s my sister in case you’re wondering) I don’t like gravy any more. I’m tired of it.  I want jelly. Did she listen? No. Humans are really not that smart. Oh well, we all have to live with them, right? We can’t help who we love.

If she had known that I don’t like gravy anymore, she would have moved heaven and earth to accommodate me.  I’m just worshipped here… well, that’s to be expected, isn’t it? So I guess I can forgive her ignorance, not everyone can be as smart and awesome as me.

I take a few reluctant licks of the gravy. Oh well, Mom will wake up soon and give me some crispy divine food, I can wait. Casey switches her computer on and as I could have guessed, she needs me with her. She picks me up and holds me while she’s watching some silly show. I think it’s called Hanna Mon-something or other. I don’t know why I put up with it, but she really seems to need me, so I kind of feel sorry for her. Until she gets it in her tiny brain that I should look pretty.

I am already pretty, in a really masculine awesome kind of way, but she still thinks my looks can improve with a hideous pink scarf. It clashes with my eyes! Once again, instead of just scratching her and teaching her an overdue lesson in respect, I put up with it. Eventually I can’t stand it anymore and escape her girly clutches.

Instead of going to Mom for protection or just going outside, I sit on the coffee table and start washing my face, and before I know it, Casey has me back in her make-over clutches. The things we do for our loved ones. Oh well, I guess I had better log off before they come back.  They’ve gone out again with a bag full of food and drinks, no chicken, so I’m guessing it’s off the menu today. I’m tired anyway, so I think I’m going to have a quick nap. My humans seem to find it comforting when I’m home sleeping.

Signed: Kenshin

 

 

Kenshin the Ultimate Hunter

I did it again. I’m so fast and so amazing; it’s unbelievable how efficient I am at this hunting thing. The lizard was fast, but could not escape my excellent hunting skills; before he knew what was happening, I had him in my mouth. My long razor-sharp canines sliced into his body like a butter knife… mom said it slightly differently, yes, like a hot knife through butter.

The lizard threw his tail off, but I’m not fooled so easily, no sirree. I was born for the hunt. I felt him wriggling in my mouth as I transported my victim to my favourite hunting play spot. Mom and Dad usually go into it once a day and water streams out of the shiny thing on top.  I think they call it a shower. I shudder to think of all that water cascading off them. I warn them every day that they should stay out of that box, but they simply won’t listen. I don’t understand it… but I digress.

Lizard. That’s where I was, the lizard wriggling in my unbelievably strong mouth. I released him (her?) in the box (aka shower) and allowed the scaly little thing to think he could escape. I find it hilarious how they think they can actually escape me. I see the hope in their eyes and dashing that hope is always priceless.

I got bored about five minutes later, sometimes these hunting plays turn so predictable.  It’s the bane of my existence. Cats as efficient as I rarely find a true challenge. Oh well, I didn’t catch the lizard for myself you know, I don’t eat yuck stuff like that, Mom gives me real food.  It comes in a shiny packet and it is divinely crunchy.

Oh Mom.  I love her so much, she always smells so nice and she loves stroking my fur. I love it when I can just lie on her lap.  She always moves the laptop out of the way so I get to stretch out. So, the lizard was a gift for her.

I couldn’t wait to show her, so went to the computer room to call her. I had to meow at least five times and walk up and down between the shower and the computer room before she got the drift.  I’ll never understand how humans can be smart enough to invent the internet and still struggle to understand the most basic form of communication. Mom’s not very smart, but I still love her, I don’t judge you know.

When she sees the lizard, she’s not overly excited about it, but she was immensely proud of me (as she should be) and deeply grateful. She picked me up and cuddled me, stroked my ears (the way I like it) and said I am so smart (I told you she’s not very bright) and such a good cat. Feeling happy that I’ve made her happy, I go to Dad for some efficient grooming and leave mom to enjoy her gift.

After the grooming, I heard Mom was in the kitchen, so I followed her to see if she was still enjoying her lizard, but you will never guess what I saw!

She was getting rid of the lizard! Yes, unbelievable! She told me how wonderful it was and then she just throws it away! I was speechless and could only stare at her with all the shock I felt in my heart. At least she had the decency to look guilty. Caught red handed as it were. Oh goodness, Mom’s just woken up, I’d better go and meow for food or something, before she figures out I’ve stolen her WordPress password. Not that she will, like I said, she’s not that smart.

Signed: Kenshin